This is What I Did Read online

  D wing isn’t attached to the school.

  It’s its own building. And it’s sort of called skater wing because that’s where the skaters hang out and everything.

  But not two and a half hours after school.

  And Laurel wasn’t there. No one was and the door was locked.

  I guess she forgot and I was glad because I didn’t really want to talk to her.

  At least not about what I think she wanted to talk about.

  But then this: Hey . . .

  She was whispering, but really loud, and it was coming from behind the bushes on the west side.

  Again: Logan, hey . . .

  Me: Is that you?

  Laurel: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Come over here. We don’t want anyone to see us.

  I went over to the general area and started to say: Where are you —

  But she grabbed my arm and pulled me to this little area that was sort of like a cave behind the bushes — kind of like me and Zyler’s spot but not really.

  Laurel: Shhhh. Don’t you know how to be quiet?

  It was a strange question for a lot of reasons: #1. I’m always quiet and my dad says too quiet. I need to learn to speak up. And #2. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to answer it?

  Me:

  Laurel: Sit down against the wall so no one will see us.

  She shoved her brown hair behind her ears and she looked sort of freaky because her pirate makeup was all smeared. She had some on her hand so I think she accidentally messed it up.

  And I probably knew why she didn’t want anyone to see us but it sort of made me feel sort of bad.

  Laurel: What took you so long?

  Me: Uhhhhhh.

  Laurel: Shhh. We have to whisper.

  Me: Why?

  Laurel: So no one will know, duh. I said it like fifty times.

  Me:

  Laurel: Is something wrong with you?

  Again I was confused.

  Me: No.

  Laurel: Then what’s your problem?

  Me: Why do we have to hide? It’s two and a half hours after school.

  Laurel: I’m not supposed to be talking to you. And you’re not supposed to be talking to me. Not any girls.

  Me:

  Laurel: I know, duh. I know all about everything, duh.

  Me: What are you talking about?

  Laurel: Your past.

  Me: What?

  Laurel: That’s why I want to talk to you. I don’t really believe those dorkfaceoffs but they said they’d be watching and they said you were on court restraint order probation and you weren’t supposed to be talking to girls and they were going to be watching both you and me because they think we’re friends. Because of the notes, you know. By the way, did you get what I meant with the last few notes? The carton and the wander afoot and the animals? It was code: Keep quiet and we’ll rendezvous and talk about getting those animals in a net.

  Me:

  Laurel: Like Bruce and all those guys are animals and we need to stop them.

  Me:

  I didn’t know what to say.

  Laurel: And anyway, so do you have one?

  Me: I don’t have a net.

  Laurel: No. We’re not really going to get them in a net, duh. I just mean we need to get back at them. That’s what I meant.

  Me:

  Laurel: So? Is it true? Do you have one?

  Me: What?

  Laurel: A court restraint order probation or whatever.

  Me: No.

  Laurel: I didn’t think so but anyway, I just thought we should rendezvous and talk it out.

  I had to think, but she just kept talking.

  She talked about Bruce and Luke and Toby and she said: Did you know in elementary Bruce won the school art contest every time?

  Me:

  Laurel: He did and it was because his mom did it or hired someone to do it. You could tell. You could so tell. Once he turned in this painting that was all dots — Pointillism is what my mom said it was. The whole thing was a bunch of dots that made up this scene of a barn and a sunset.

  She stopped and looked at me. I could tell she wanted a reaction.

  Me: Really?

  Laurel: Yeah! Can you believe it? And there was no way because in class all he ever drew were like these stupid tanks and stuff — plus, they didn’t even look real. My mom was going to complain because she’s on the school board and she thought it was unfair, but then she didn’t because there was this big issue with the funds and Mom was the spokesman for that and she had to defend her friend Peggy who was also on the school board but she’s not anymore. But Mom didn’t feel like she could get into the middle of anything right then, plus, it would look like she was doing it just because I got second prize with my drawing of an ostrich running really fast through a city like New York. It was symbolic. Did you know ostriches can run, like, forty or fifty miles an hour?

  Me: Yeah, and they also can’t fly.

  I knew that because I did my third grade report on the ostrich. It was kind of cool she knew about them. They have the best eggs too — they are huge and the mom ostriches bury them.

  Laurel: I know. So anyway, Mom didn’t want to be one of those kind of moms so we just let it go.

  Me:

  Then she just kept talking.

  She said how Bruce and those guys were saying how I was a danger to girls and that was why I was so quiet and I never talked to girls, and I was one of the silent sick types and they’d seen me looking at her and even though they didn’t like her (like she cared), they felt a duty and she should beware because if she got linked up with me it would either hurt her physically because of what I had done and what I was probably going to do again or hurt her socially (ha), like worse off than she already was and she was on thin ice (especially since last year she sent a note around about how Bruce had wet his pants five times in third grade), and she said she didn’t really care what they said, but she did want to know the truth and what she was up against and how maybe we could get them back, but we couldn’t until she knew what she was dealing with.

  It was more than any girl had ever said to me in my whole life, not including family and my mom’s best friend, Nora, and Nora talks a lot.

  Me:

  Laurel: Just think about what I’ve said and we’ll meet here again tomorrow. We’ve been here too long anyway. Wait eight minutes after I leave to leave.

  And then she was gone.

  I left eight minutes after she did.

  I think Laurel is not what I thought.

  I’m not sure if I should like her or not.

  Sometimes I think she likes me and sometimes I think she thinks I’m stupid.

  I don’t know.

  Most things and people are not what I thought.

  Mom and Dad are excited about the play.

  Mom is really pregnant now and so she has to sit a lot.

  She had Dad rent every Peter Pan video there was at Blockbuster so she could see what Lost Boys do.

  I already told her: Lost Boys are the ones who get lost. So they follow Peter Pan around and do whatever they want and that’s all.

  But she wanted to see for herself, so we all had to watch four Peter Pan videos.

  Mack and Ryan didn’t last one movie.

  They had practice anyway.

  Dad had work.

  But Mom and I saw them all and had pretzels.

  It was actually sort of cool to see the part I was doing and them fighting the pirates.

  I still think the move I do in the fight scene is the coolest: even more than the movies.

  The Klondike Derby.

  We had to meet at Jack’s at 6:30 a.m.

  In his Suburban.

  And the seats went like this:

  Driver: Jack

  Passenger seat: Richard (the other leader)

  Middle bench: Bruce, Taylor, Toby

  Back bench: Me, Chris, Sam

  That was good.

  Lucky.

  I thought.
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br />   Because I didn’t have to sit by Bruce.

  I was directly behind him but not next to him, and he had to twist all the way around to see me or anything.

  But actually one thing was bad because Jack couldn’t see clear back to the back so good and he definitely couldn’t hear.

  Bruce: Chris and Sam . . . I’d watch it. You’re sitting by a loser crapstock molester.

  This was just before we stopped for gas and just after I thought I was safe because they hadn’t said anything yet and it seemed like everyone was just going to sleep and maybe I’d be okay.

  No.

  Chris and Sam just sort of laughed.

  Bruce: I’m serious. The guy is a disease, aren’tcha, crapstock?

  I looked out the window.

  Toby and Taylor were twisted around looking at me too.

  Jack: Everything okay back there?

  Bruce: Yeah, Dad. We’re just playing a game.

  Jack: No messing around, Bruce. I’m serious. Turn around.

  Bruce: Okay, Dad. Sheesh.

  They all turned forward and I still looked out the window.

  Jack started talking to Richard after a while and then Bruce turned on the radio from the backseat.

  It was a nice Suburban.

  Bruce and the rest twisted again.

  Bruce: Okay, you guys. I have a game for real. We’re going to play the alphabet game. Each of us has to go in order and think of a good new name for crapstock here.

  I’ll go first. A—Assface

  I bit my lip. I hated him. I hated him.

  Toby: B—Buttknockers

  Why did we have to move to Judge?

  Taylor:

  Bruce: Don’t wuss out, Taylor.

  Taylor: C . . . Crapstock?

  Bruce: We’ll let that suffice for now because you’re amateur. Chris?

  I started to sweat.

  Chris: D—Dorkapokia.

  Bruce: Needs work. Try harder next letter.

  He looked at Sam.

  Sam was the nicest to me the whole time in Scouts.

  He never really did anything to me or joined in and one time, he even walked home with me. That was because Bruce and his friends were at a birthday party so they weren’t at Scouts or anything.

  That was a good day.

  Bruce: Come on, Sam. You can do it.

  Sam:

  Bruce: Are my suspicions right? Are you and crapstocky in love? Ohmigosh, you guys, it’s a regular romance.

  I was still looking out the window trying not to smash him. Trying not to smash his face.

  Sam: E—eats-his-mom’s-poo-for-breakfast?

  They all laughed.

  Bruce: All right, crapstock. It’s your turn. Now’s your chance to rename yourself.

  Me:

  I was glued to the glass. Hands clenched.

  Bruce: Come on, crappy. You have the best letter too. F. What’s it going to be, or do you want me to help you out?

  Me:

  Bruce: If you don’t come up with a name fast, I already have one, perfect. I’ll give you a few more seconds.

  Toby: Bruce, crapstock looks a bit upset. Should we leave him alone a bit to think and cool down? Maybe he can’t take the pressure.

  Bruce: That’s a very charitable thought, my friend. Very charitable, indeed. I was almost thinking the same thing. But then I think our fellow Scouts would be disappointed if we let him off the hook. What do you think, boys?

  No one said anything and then

  Chris: Make him do it.

  Taylor: Yeah. We had to.

  Bruce: Shoot, crapstock. Looks like you better say something fast or you’re going to get it.

  And he shoved my face into the glass.

  Hard.

  That’s when I flipped — again.

  For the second time in front of Jack.

  I lunged over the seat.

  Grabbing at Bruce’s face.

  Scratching him and shoving and I guess pushing him into Jack’s seat.

  Jack swerved.

  We all swerved.

  He went off the road.

  He was screaming, swearing.

  And that was just the beginning.

  The next time I met with Dr. Benson he just kept asking about Zyler.

  Dr. Benson: What would you say to him if you had a chance?

  Me: I don’t know.

  Dr. Benson: I don’t believe that.

  Me:

  Dr. Benson: Just try, Logan. What do you want to tell him?

  Me: I’m sorry, I guess. I don’t know.

  Dr. Benson: Sorry for what?

  Me: Sorry for leaving him. And sorry for not helping.

  Dr. Benson: When?

  Me: I don’t know.

  Dr. Benson: Push harder, Logan. You’re sorry for leaving him when?

  Me: When it happened, I guess. And other times.

  Dr. Benson: What other times?

  Me: I don’t know.

  Dr. Benson:

  Me: I guess when I knew what his dad was like. And when I found out.

  Dr. Benson: What does that mean, Logan? Found out what?

  Me:

  Dr. Benson:

  Me: I don’t want to talk about it.

  Dr. Benson: Why not?

  Me:

  Dr. Benson: Logan?

  Me: Because it wasn’t my fault.

  And it wasn’t.

  Dr. Benson: I’m not saying it was. You know that.

  Me: Yeah.

  Dr. Benson:

  Me:

  Dr. Benson:

  Me:

  Dr. Benson:

  Me:

  Dr. Benson: I called his social worker.

  Me:

  Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me:

  Dr. Benson: I know where he is and we might be able to contact him soon.

  That’s all.

  I met Laurel the next day in the bushes.

  It feels funny to say that.

  In the bushes.

  When I got there she was already sitting against the wall eating Disney Princess Fruit Snacks.

  Laurel: You’re late.

  She ate a green princess.

  And I was late because Mr. Jeffries wanted me to stay even later after the other guys to help him get supports in the tree.

  Me:

  Laurel: Why do you do that?

  Me: Do what?

  Laurel: Nothing.

  Nothing? I didn’t know what she meant.

  Me:

  Laurel: See?

  Me: What?

  Laurel: Why do you always just sit there? Why don’t you talk?

  Me:

  I was trying to get what she was saying. It didn’t matter.

  But right then instead of her saying something else we heard talking. Loud talking and it wasn’t anyone I knew but Laurel said: Hit the dirt!

  She sort of yelled-whispered it and shoved my head toward my legs. It hurt.

  Girls like Carmen and Vanessa and Mallory.

  Them: I hate that! Are you serious? No way. Yep. Really? Who said? I know.

  And then they were gone.

  Me: They’re gone.

  Laurel: I don’t care.

  And she was picking at her toes.

  Laurel: Hey, do you like corn dogs?

  Me: Uhhh, I guess.

  Laurel: Well, I do. I do so much. And they used to have them in elementary on Tuesdays but they never have them here. Have you noticed that?

  I wasn’t quite sure what to do because she was staring right at me so I said:

  And then she said: Well?

  Me: What?

  Laurel: Anyway, I think you’re cool. Better than those dorks and not what they say and one day I’m going to work at the Corn Dog Factory.

  And then she was looking even harder at me. I think the dorks were supposed to be girls like Carmen and Vanessa and Mallory.

  Me:

  Laurel: Do you know the Corn Dog Factory?

  Of cour
se I knew the Corn Dog Factory. There was one at both the Cherry Creek Mall and the Park Meadows Mall. It’s the one where the workers have to wear tall red-yellow-and-white-striped hats that look like popcorn buckets, and then matching shirts and shorts.

  Me: Yeah.

  Laurel: Do you think it’d be dumb to work there?

  Me: No.

  Laurel: I don’t either. I think it would be so cool. Free corn dogs all day and fresh lemonade too. If you wanted, I could probably get you a discount.

  Me:

  Laurel:

  Me: Okay.

  Then she said she had to go and then: Be back here tomorrow.

  Me: Okay.

  But she was too loud and moving her stuff and gone.

  When we finally drove into the national park I was glad.

  I was sitting in front.

  Mouth shut.

  No moving.

  Even at pit stops.

  Jack: Okay, guys. We’re here!

  And everyone started getting out.

  I didn’t really know what to do because I wasn’t supposed to move, so I just sat there.

  And they were all outside getting their stuff out of the back.

  Jack: Paloney, where the hell are you?

  Me:

  I just sort of got out and my stuff was in the snow outside the back of the Suburban.

  Everyone else was already walking up the trail.

  I tried to get all my stuff together but then

  Me: Hey, Jack!

  I yelled it because they were all talking.

  Jack:

  Me: Jack!

  Really loud.

  Me: Where’s my sleeping bag?!

  They all kept walking.

  So I didn’t have a sleeping bag for the Klondike Derby and I know Dad even gave Jack extras.

  When I finally caught up to them

  Jack: Okay, boys. We’ll set up right over there.

  He pointed to a clearing.

  Everyone sort of grumbled or said stuff and then Jack: Let’s start shoveling.

  Me when everyone was doing other things: Jack?

  Jack:

  Me:

  I decided not to bring up the sleeping bag for a while.

  So I helped build the snow caves and I didn’t talk to anyone.

  And no one talked to me.

  Jack and Richard reminded us how to build and then said: You guys are on your own.

  First you make a huge mound of snow.

  Huge.

  And then you dig it out.

  It took us hours.

  Lots of hours, and even though I thought they were doing it a stupid way — they weren’t even thinking about the pressure of the snow on the roof and it kept falling in so we’d have to start over and Bruce would yell and Jack wouldn’t help us because it was for our merit badge — I didn’t say anything.